u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This is my gift to your gina
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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