Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
