She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
