How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
