He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dick very happy bro
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
