I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
