please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
