Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
