I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
