You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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