these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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