you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
