the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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