Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
