I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
