there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The struggles of a small town man whore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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