I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
