SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
