Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
