So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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