does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
