her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
