I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
