did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
