oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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