Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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