As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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