All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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