ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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