She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
