The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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