Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
