i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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