TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
