suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
