if you like me you must not know who I am
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
