I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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