Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my shit smells like andre
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
