There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
