just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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