kristin has been a bad kristin
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
