What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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