We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
