the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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