Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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