so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
