I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it hurts more in the daytime
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
