come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So many bounce houses so little time
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
