Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
