Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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