I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
